


You've Got Mail

by schizdroid



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Sex Toys, but no sex lol, love at first peephole, mail tampering probably, new neighbours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 20:37:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15299553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schizdroid/pseuds/schizdroid
Summary: Dan is lonely in his new flat and can't stop thinking about his neighbour across the hall. He's tall, dark haired, and possibly amazing... but Dan just can't work up the nerve to talk to him. So what's he going to do when he mistakenly gets (and opens...) a box meant for his neighbour?





	You've Got Mail

**Author's Note:**

> Written for @phandomficfests sex toys flash fic fest :D

Dan wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Why hadn't he looked at the name first? The address?

He paced back and forth in front of his sofa, the blue object next to the torn box in his peripheral there on the cushions. _I'm such an idiot._ NOVELTY ITEMS, the box had said. PHIL LESTER, the box had said. _NOT MY ADDRESS, the box had said._ But instead of reading any of that, Dan had ripped the box open without a second thought like he was a spoiled six-year-old on Christmas Day. He had been expecting a new pair of headphones and wanted to try them out immediately but instead of headphones, there was a silicone anal vibrator and some complimentary lube packets strewn about his sofa. And the destroyed box they came in. His thoughts were frantic, desperate. _I could just tape it all back together. He'll think it was the postman! That's stupid. Just put them in a bag and leave them at his door. That's not creepy at all. I need to break into his flat and destroy a bunch of things and then leave the box there too and it'll just look like the intruders destroyed it along with everything else! Yep, that's definitely less creepy._

Dan had been living in his new flat for about a month, and had settled into a routine after work: get home at 6pm, get his work clothes off and shower off the stench of retail, grab some food, and settle in for the night with his computer to game. He'd take a break around 9pm because his neighbour across the hall tended to get home just after that. Dan was familiar with the exact path from his sofa to the door he needed to tiptoe to avoid any floor creaks that might give him away, and he paced it as he thought about what he could do. _Here's a thought: just be normal and say, "Sorry mate, I opened your mail by mistake, it was just sitting outside my door and I didn't double-check it was mine. Here you go."_ But if somebody he didn't know opened _his_ silicone anal vibrator by mistake, Dan knew he might consider jumping out of a window. And if Phil Lester did that, that would really get in the way of Dan's plans of falling in love and living happily ever after. _Fuck._  

Dan was all alone in Manchester after deciding to take time off from uni; all his friends were busy being students across the city, and Dan was working full-time at an ASDA near his new building. Nobody at work seemed that interested in him, and most of them were much older than him. He avoided answering calls from his family. All he had was the clumsy boy who dropped his keys, or his shopping bags, or that one time, his laptop and Starbucks drink (that one was a mess), every night when he got home while Dan watched from his peephole. All he wanted to do was open his door and offer a hand. And then the boy across the hall—Phil Lester! Flat #106! at least something came from this mail disaster—would fall hopelessly in love with him and they would live happily ever after. Simple. But Dan's heart hammered in his chest every time he reached for the door handle, he could never do it. And now this?  _Sorry mate, I seem to have your anal vibrator here. By the way my name's Dan, wanna date?_  At this point, Dan's heart might jump out of the window before Dan did.

It was 8:45pm. Dan had changed his clothes about 4 times since being home. He knew he wouldn't sleep if he didn't deal with this that night, but he knew he probably wouldn't sleep after humiliating himself either. Vibrators aren't embarrassing, sex isn't embarrassing, it's all completely fine and natural and healthy. So why had Dan's face been burning red for hours? _Grow up._

8:55pm. Dan checked and re-checked the package. He had put everything back in the box, and put the box in a plastic bag. There was no use pretending he hadn't opened it. He just had to accept his fate.

9:10pm. Keys rustled down the hall along with footsteps. Dan peered through the peephole, same as every other night. The boy dropped his keys, same as every other night. But for the first time, Dan opened his own door and stepped into the hall.

"Hey."

Phil looked up as he grabbed his keys. "Hey." He stood up, keys dangling precariously from unsure fingers.

Dan held out the bag and words jumbled out of his mouth. "I'm so sorry. I was expecting a package and this box was by my door and I thought it was mine so I opened it, but it wasn't mine and I'm an idiot who should read first before opening things and isn't it illegal to open other people's mail? Or maybe that's an American thing from television, well it seems like it should be illegal everywhere, it probably is—"

The boy had taken the bag and instead of being angry or embarrassed as Dan had feared, he just laughed. He shrugged as he looked inside, his face slightly red, but his voice friendly. "Wow. Of course that had to happen with this—" He shook the bag. "—and not, like, a phone case or something." He looked at Dan and then to the door Dan had come from. "107? Is your name Daniel Howell?"

"Dan, yeah."

Phil laughed some more and handed Dan the bag back. "Could you hold that for a second?" He unlocked his door and disappeared inside, reappearing with a box of his own in his hand. "This was at my door yesterday, I totally forgot."

They exchanged the bag for the box and Dan laughed. "My headphones!"

"Our postman kind of sucks, doesn't he?"

"Little bit."

"Actually, I lied," Phil said.

Dan raised his eyebrows, waiting.

"I didn't forget. I chickened out yesterday, but I... wanted to come over and introduce myself. Or something. Technically, I guess I was holding your mail hostage until I grew a pair."

Dan smiled harder than he had in months. "I mean, that sounds kind of illegal, too."

Phil laughed. "There might be something wrong with us." He was standing halfway in his flat, and halfway in the hall, so he took a step back into his flat and beckoned Dan. "Do you want to come in for a bit? Maybe you should let me open your mail? It seems only fair."

Dan closed his door and walked across the hall, like he had dreamed of doing for weeks, and handed Phil his box as they smiled at each other. "It would be an honour for you to open my box." He felt his face flush again, but he didn't care.

Phil closed the door behind them.


End file.
